An email from Bethlehem

Dear Mum,


Uber donkey

We have finally found a bakery café with decent Wi-Fi so I am able to give you a status update.

As you know, we went down to Bethlehem because the Census website was down and everyone had to register in person. What a nightmare! The Uber donkey was slow and when we got there late in the day the town was full of people. I said to Joseph that I was very tired and we really needed to find a room for the night.

Trivago said that all the hotels were full, so I said to Joseph ‘try AirBNBethlehem’ and there was a place called The Stables. Sounded OK, upmarket really, and the pictures looked good. Trip Adviser said that the accommodation was ‘rustic’. Well, I would have said ‘primitive’ when we got there but they already had our PayPal payment so we had to stay.

And that’s where our baby was born. We called him Emmanuel, just like the Messenger said to. It’s all been a bit weird since. Don’t worry, nothing wrong with the baby, in fact, he’s absolutely perfect, an angel, everyone says. But strange things keep happening.

After he was born, I managed to post a few pictures on Instagram and I must have had the geo-location function on. We got a heap of Likes straight away and people we didn’t know started turning up at The Stables. This included some shepherds but recently we had a visit from three guys who said they were wise men from the East.

how-to-draw-a-christmas-star_1_000000013312_5I thought they were just playing Pokemon Go, but they said they were ‘following a star’. There are so many stars to follow on Twitter and I didn’t know which one they were talking about. Anyway, they left great presents, so I am not complaining, but they might be in-app purchases, not sure.

Turns out that we have so many followers on Twitter now that Herod – he’s the newly elected King around here– is super jealous and is threatening to sue us because some of the shepherds posted on our Facebook page that ‘a new King is born’ which he says is treason. He reckons that he is the King of the Twittersphere and nobody trumps him.

Anyway, we were warned in a Private Message on Facebook to leave town and have ended up being refugees to escape Herod. We are on our way to seek asylum in Egypt. We thought of going to Europe, but all the borders now seem closed. Not very Christchild-like. We hope to get back to Nazareth one day so you can see and hold your grandchild yourself.

Joseph says hello. Give my love to Dad. Update again when I can.


Keith Harvey is a regular contributor to Tinteán